How do you Define Yourself?

I walked into my normal yoga class, Wednesday at 5:15, expecting to see my favorite yoga teacher.  Instead when I stepped in the room there was a stranger in the front of the room where the instructor stands.  In an instant a wall came up inside and resistance set in.  Who is this?  Where is Brigitte?  She won’t be as good as Brigitte, I thought. 

You see, I attend yoga once a week and I have two instructors that I have found I really like.  I love their flow and rhythm as well as the spiritual/meditative aspect they bring to the class.  I enjoy going to their classes knowing what to expect.  So needless to say, I was disappointed and let down when I saw an unfamiliar instructor. 

As class started she introduced herself and shared that Brigitte was sick and called her just prior to cover her class.  She then went on to say “Thank you for letting me teach you today.”  At that moment, the wall of resistance inside of me came down, and I accepted her as the teacher.  It was the simple act of thanking us for letting her be there and allowing her to be a part of the yoga practice that made me realize that she was grateful for being here, and she was asking permission to teach us. 

So we were on with yogaing and in between warrior one and half moon, she stated some wise words that I will not be able to replicate as eloquently as she said them.  But the idea of what she was articulating was to shed the day off, all of the stories that we play in our head, all of things we need to get done, and find the true you.  As what you are looking for is already inside of you, you just need to find it.  “Don’t leave the ocean in search of the ocean.”

Later she asked, “How do you define yourself?”  This question made me stop and think.  People often define themselves by what they do, their friendships or relationships, or their reputation.  You identify with being a mother, a father, a husband or wife, a daughter, a teacher, a nurse, a therapist, or a bitch.  We all do it; we label ourselves and even tie our self worth to what we do and what we have accomplished.  But what happens when we take that all away?  Take away your titles of daughter, teacher, girlfriend, poor, and how would you define yourself?  Take away the stories you create in your head, the ones that connect you to the past and present.  Remove the assumptions you have about yourself and the assumption you think other people have about you, and what would you be now? What is left?

This is a great philosophical question that will take me more than one yoga class to work through.  It is deep, who am I truly?  Am I just cells working together in harmony to create a human body?  Am I a vessel for a soul? Maybe I am ever changing from one moment to another. 

When you strip yourself down, take away the labels and the attachments, how do you define yourself?

Lessons to Learn from Grandpa Hale

Yesterday’s blog post got me thinking about my other grandpa who is no longer with us.  Combined with yesterday being his birthday and my mother sending me a pic of him, it mad me think about what a great person my Grandpa Hale was.  In fact, I quite often think about him and his amazing qualities he projected and shared with those who knew him.  To me, he is the greatest man I know.  If there is one person I strive to be like, it’s him.  He lived a long and healthy life.  I often wonder how he would handle certain situation that I find myself in, and then channel that to help me navigate them.  He has so many great qualities that I would like to share them with you.

So today I would like to impart on you Lessons to Learn from Grandpa Hale:

1.  Be Humble: My grandpa was a humble and selfless man.  He never bragged about himself or boasted about his accomplishments.   He was an amazing musician and wood worker, yet, he was always modest in his talking of his craft and talent.  He would show us his bowls that he made on the lathe from an educational standpoint, explaining his technique in making them and the wood they were created from, verses boasting about what he had made.  And even though he never bragged or sold himself on his musical talents or craftsmanship, he was well known in his community for his abilities.  He let actions speak louder than words.  He was also known for his beautiful garden that he tended up until the day he died.  He never bragged about his harvest, but was always curious about gardening, eager to learn more, and excited to share what his produce. 

2.  When I eat, I eat:  Grandpa was very zen.  He didn’t meditate in the way you think of sitting cross-legged on the floor and letting your mind be void of thought.  But he did meditate in his own way.  When he listened to music, he listened to music.  He sat in his chair and listened to the record or tape player.  He wasn’t reading the paper at the same time or doing the dishes, he was just listening.  All of his attention was on the music playing.  When he cooked, he cooked.  He wasn’t watching T.V. or talking on the phone, he was cooking.  All of his attention was on cooking.  He was mindful to what he was doing when he was doing it.  He slowed down and didn’t multitask to the point of exhaustion like so many of us do these days.  I never saw my grandpa get upset…EVER!  He was always positive!

Grandpa's workshop

3.  Whistled while you work:  My grandpa would whistle while he worked and he always had a spring in his step.  My grandpa would be cleaning up the kitchen, or coming up from downstairs where his workshop was and he would be whistling, always a happy tune.  Now, I lack the ability to whistle in any way, so whistling may not be for me.  But humming could work or singing a song in my head could prove sufficient.  Something to keep me spry and motivated in my day-to-day life.

Grandpa with my Uncle Ed

4.  Use your resources:  My grandparents didn’t have much money when they were young, however they made ends meet and then some by being resourceful and self sufficient.  Like I mentioned before, my grandfather had a beautiful garden that he tended to every spring, summer, and fall.  And with that food, he was able to feed his family.  With his extra harvest, he would can and save for the winter when the ground was frozen and covered with snow.  My grandma would make delicious freezer jam with the extra strawberries.  I can still remember eating her Texas toast with strawberry jam!  And if we were lucky she’d send a tub home with us.  Not only did my grandpa have a garden that helped to feed the family, he also fished and hunted.  He would go out fishing and literally bring home dinner.  How many of us can say that?  He would trap beavers and mink and sell their fur to make some extra money.   Along with his ability to produce food for the family, my grandfather was extremely crafty.  He built the house that my father grew up in and is still sturdy and strong today.  He also made most of the furniture in the house; dressers, the dining room table, and night stands.  He made beautiful and intricate wooden bowls, vases, and candlesticks on the lathe and sold them at a farmers market.  So, when I’m at the end of my budget, usually at the end of the month, I look to my grandpa and get inspired to be creative in ways I can be resourceful and self-sufficient. 

5.  Never stop moving:  My grandpa was a mover.  He would wake up every morning before the crack of dawn to walk the track at the local high school.  His house was about two blocks from the high school, so he would head down there and walk three miles.  Sometimes he would meet a friend and sometimes he would walk alone.  But rain or shine, he was there walking.  He was persistent and determined.  My grandfather never stopped working either.  He made wooden and later stone bowls on the lathe, played his tuba, and worked in the garden until he passed away. He was completely self-sufficient at age 98!  Who wouldn’t want to be him?

6.  Keep your lunch big and your dinner small:  Mealtimes where fairly predictable at my grandparents.  Breakfast was coffee, fresh squeezed OJ, and cereal or toast.  On special occasions, my grandma would make homemade cinnamon rolls!  Breakfast goodies were always set out on the table.  Dinner was served at 12 sharp without fail.  When planning trips to visit my dad’s parents, my parents would always plan around meal times.  We had to make sure we came before 12 or after 1 as noon was mealtime.  Dinner was their largest meal of the day.  It was a fairly nice spread of some sort of meat such as ham or turkey, a vegetable, usually from the garden, and a starch in the form of potatoes or rolls.  The table was set and we all ate together.  We also had desert after Dinner, which was my favorite part of visiting the grandparents ;).  At supper, served at 6pm sharp, a smaller and simpler meal was prepared.  Sometimes, this would be leftovers form dinner or the day before, or sandwiches and a simple salad, but definitely a smaller and lighter meal.  We also got desert after supper as well!  (sidebar: I asked my dad if he always got desert after dinner and supper growing up and he said yes!  Amazing!)  The lesson here is to eat a large lunch and a smaller dinner, as your body needs more fuel in the earlier part of the day rather than the later part of the day.  So many of us eat a smaller, quick lunch and gorge out during dinner when we actually have time to sit and eat.  My grandparents also created time to sat down at the table for their meals, there were no excuses!  There were no meals on the go or standing while eating.  No, when we ate, we ate.

Grandpa lookin' dapper 

7.  Find joy in small and simple things:  My grandpa didn’t live a luxurious life, he didn’t travel much, and his home lacked some modern conveniences that many of us take for granted, yet he was always so happy and full of joy.  He always greeted us with a smile and a hug at the door when we cam to visit.  He was never mad at his neighbor for this or that, or annoyed at the garbage man for being so loud.  My grandpa was a glass-half-full kind of man.  He always had a positive spin on life and when he talked about something bothering him, he wasn’t angry or mad, he was calmly looking for advice or describing the situation matter-of-factly.  He was able to find joy in the small and simple things in life.  I often times get wrapped up in the competition of life and am looking for something bigger, better, or newer to make me happy, and then I remember my grandpa and how he would find happiness in gardening, or listening to music, or having his grandchildren visit.  And it reminds me to look at what I have and to be thankful for that.  I live in one of the most beautiful places on Earth, I can ride my bike all year round comfortably, and I live less than a mile from one of the most beautiful beaches that is swimmable all year round.  I have great friends and an amazing boyfriend who support me and encourage me to follow my dreams.  I have a small garden that brings me joy, especially when I eat from it’s harvest.  I have so much to be thankful for and so many things to find joy in all around me.  I don’t need to buy the latest clothes trends to make me happy, I don’t need a new car to find joy.  All I need to do is look around me and see the small things.

Waking up With a Purpose

Recently I have been working with the Blue Zone Project.  If you haven’t heard of it check it out here.  In short “Blue Zones” are areas around the globe where people live the longest, like Okinawa, Japan and Sardinia, Italy.  A man by the name of Dan Buettner, who worked for National Geographic, went to these areas and researched their culture and lifestyle to see why they lived so long.  In the five communities he researched around the world, he found nine commonalities in their lifestyles such as moving naturally, eating a high percentage of plants for their meals, and having a supportive group of friends or tribe.  He calls these the “Power 9”.  He believes that if we implement these practices into our community and life, that we will become healthier, happier, and live longer. Who wouldn’t want that?  So, he has implemented Blue Zone Projects around the United state, and Windward Oahu is one of the areas!  The project is a community-wide well-being improvement initiative to help make healthy choices easier in Hawaii.  Their goal is to make the healthier choice the easy choice.  Sounds good to me.

One of the nine commonalities that Dan found while researching the Blue Zones was that people from each of these communities woke up with a purpose.  People knew what their purpose was whether it be to tend to the garden and prepare meals for the family, or take care of the grand children.  They knew that they were needed in their family and in the community and what they did contributed to the greater good. 

Now when I heard this one, it really made me stop and reflect on my life.  Did I have a purpose?  Did I feel that what I did contributed to my community or family?  Did I wake up every day knowing my intentions for the day?  This one really stumped me.  I could handle “move naturally”, or “Downshift” (finding time to unwind and relax), but this one, I had never really thought about. 

As I pondered life I couldn’t put my finger on what my purpose was.  I used to know what my purpose was in life with my old job.  I felt that I had a purpose and I had people depending on me to be there and to help them.  And even though that job wasn’t the right fit for me, I still felt like I had a purpose and I would wake up knowing what I needed to do that day. 

But since I have left that job just over a year ago and ventured out into health coaching and building my own business, I have found myself devoid of a daily purpose.  What exactly am I supposed to be doing with my life?  Who am I supposed to serve and help?  How am I supposed to help them?  Believe me, I can get up every morning and find more than enough things to fill my day!  But what was my purpose?  And if research shows that having a purpose lengthens your life span, than I would really like to find it.

Maybe I am still developing my purpose.  Maybe it’s there, but I just don’t see it yet.  And maybe my purpose can change from day to day.  Maybe I am making this too complicated and it could be as easy as “Making a stranger smile.” 

What is your purpose?  

Starting From Scratch

To truly start from scratch, you need to let go of all that negative stuff that you are getting away from in the first place.  Though you may physically be away from it, you need to also mentally let it go.  Stop listening to the negative stories you have been telling yourself, and let go of the negative beliefs you have about yourself and lack of ability as a result from the previous situation.  By letting go of all those negative ideas and stories, you are truly starting from scratch and creating room for positive stories to form and cultivate.  I have learned that in starting over it is not just enough to physically move from one place to another, or change locations.  You also need to mentally let go and change your thinking and attitude in order to start over, move forward, and create something new and amazing in your life. 

This subject matter came to mind when I went out for a run the other afternoon for the first time in 5 months.  Now, I have been doing crossfit, surfing, and paddling, however, running is a different story.  I had hurt my ankle earlier this year and have been unable to jog any distance before it starts to hurt.  So, I just haven’t been partaking in this activity.  I have been busy doing other activities that I haven’t really missed it until about a month ago.  There’s just something I get from running that I don’t get from my other activities.  I think it’s the mindless repetition of moving my feet that allows my mind to meditate as well as work through issues or challenges in my life.  Since I started to miss running, I had been THINKING about starting to participate in my old exercise staple again as my ankle has been healing.  I was brought the perfect opportunity on this particular day; I was unable to make it to crossfit, there weren’t any waves and the ocean was pretty choppy, there was no paddling that day, and it was cloudy with a nice cooling breeze.  So I thought to myself, “what a perfect opportunity to actually DO what I have been THINKING about doing for the past month or so”.  I dusted off (literally) my running sneakers and headed out on a 2.5 mile run…nothing too long. 

On my way out on my jaunt around the loop, I realized that I was making a fresh start and that I should have no expectation of my performance what so ever!  I mentally prepared myself knowing that I hadn’t been on a run in a while, and that since this activity is not a strength of mine, I needed to let go of what I used to be able to do and be super stoked with completing a 2.5 mile course, no matter how long it takes.  Though I had completed a couple of marathons, I wasn’t out training for a marathon, nor do I ever have the intention of training for one EVER again.  I needed to let go any thoughts that compared me to the past, or what I used to be able to do.  With this mindset, I was able to just run and be proud that I was out jogging and working hard doing it.  I didn’t get down on myself because I was out of breath, or that I was slugging along. No, I had let that go, and was super stoked that I was running and that my ankle didn’t hurt while I was doing it.

Then I had a realization: making a fresh start and letting things go doesn’t only apply to my running or any other physical activity I participate in.  It in fact applies to EVERYTHING in life!  This realization especially hit home to me regarding my recent career change. 

Though I had quit teaching and started health coaching, and yes, my life has been changed for the better in many ways, I still was holding on to old beliefs that had formed as a result of working for an organization for five years that didn’t respect or value me.  I was still feeling a lack of confidence, I was questioning my validity and credentials, and I was still full of fear and the idea that I wasn’t good enough to be a health coach.  Who’s going to believe me? My voice was never valued or respected in the DOE (department of education), so why would anyone listen to me now?  All of the stories that had built up while working for the DOE and over time were still here with me and they were preventing me from moving forward in my new career! 

So, I started letting go of these limiting beliefs and the negative stories that I had been making up in my head as a result of my past experiences.  By letting these beliefs go, I have made room for positive beliefs and thoughts that serve me.  I see possibilities instead of insecurities, solutions instead of roadblocks.  By letting go of negative self-beliefs, I have been able to move forward with projects that have been sitting on the back burner because fear and doubt would not let me move forward. Also, by letting go of negative stories and self-talk, I am open to receiving complements and positive feedback from clients, friends, and family. (And believing them too!) I am starting from scratch and moving forward with the belief in myself, that my voice is valued, and that what I know IS important to other people (because it IS! Food changed my life, and I know it can change your life too!), and that other people are dying to work with me.  Because they are! 

A physical change in location is only part of starting over.  Letting go of the mental and emotional connection to that time you are getting away from is how to truly start from scratch and make amazing, positive things happen in your life!

Interested in creating the healthiest you?  Contact me at keysa.hale@gmail.com or visit my website:

www.keysahale.com