The Value in Listening

I love not talking sometimes. I enjoy working on projects or researching with the lack of talking or conversations with other people.  No email, no texting, no facebook, no communication with others whatsoever.  The lack of distraction is pleasant and meditative for me.  I’m left with my thoughts, or lack thereof.  In this state, my head becomes clear and ideas that were hiding in the deep dark corners of my brain come forward and are revealed.

When Austin asked me what my dream job is I thought about it for a moment and replied that first there would need to be a device that records my thoughts.  That way I wouldn’t have to type or speak what I was thinking.  A lot of times there is a loss of thought or a loss in translation that happened when putting my thoughts into words.  What I think in my head just isn't as great as what my fingers types on my computer.  

One thing I enjoy about my current job is that I don’t have to speak very much.  I can just be and listen to my client.  That's why I love health coaching so much!  I get to listen to people and hear about their wins and struggles with nutrition and being healthy.  I can just be and listen to them.  And often in that awkward silence is when clients get into what’s really going on.  They go deeper into their struggles and find the root cause of their health issue or emotional eating.  This is where the healing starts.  It’s pretty freakin cool!  Of course there is talking on my part in health coaching however, a big part of what I do is listen.  

I’ve found that I have always been a listener.  Growing up I would sit and listen to a friend who is dealing with a difficult situation without interrupting or judgment.  This was often due to me not knowing how to respond to their situation, or my politeness in not wanting to interrupt a person while they were talking.  This gave them the space to be heard, to speak their thoughts, and to work through their issues.  Through this I learned that oftentimes when we are silent and just listen, the person we are listening to is able to figure out their own solution to their problem.  They just need to space to speak their mind and verbalize their thoughts.  How great is that!  

When was the last time someone sat and just listened to you?  With no judgment, no favoritism, with a neutral view?  This can be difficult to find or experience.  If you need a listener, I am here for you. To listen to your struggles and challenges when it comes to your health and lifestyle without judgment, and from a neutral standpoint.  The value of listening is amazing and can be truly healing.

That Awkward Phase

I'm a little sad, my awkward phase is over.  I mean I finished all the Awkward seasons available to me for free on Amazon prime (Seasons 1-4).  So does that mean that my awkward phase is over? You know that uneasy phase where embarrassing moments seem to happen more often than not, where you just don’t feel comfortable in your skin, or that you feel like you don't fit in. We’ve all experienced it.

Well, my awkward phase started in high school, around sophomore year when I started caring about my clothes and hair, and what I looked like.  I started plucking my eyebrows and nothing was ever the same.  Gone were my baggy jeans, oversized t-shirts and flannels, and in came the baby Ts , fitted jeans, and sundresses. 

This phase continued well into college where I found myself feeling even more uncomfortable. I was still finding out who I was and what I wanted to be.  Okay so I'm still figuring out what I want to be, but you know what I mean.  I felt unsure of new experiences and didn't feel like I quite fit in.  

I was an art major who flat ironed her hair and wore Abercrombie and Fitch kakis.  My classmates were dying their hair bright colors, piercing their bodies in cringe worthy places, and wearing four different prints at the same time.  They were philosophical, deep, and they were worldly.  And here I was, a self-conscious girl, who would get sick to my stomach before a critique, from a small town on the coast of Oregon.  Nonetheless, I didn’t feel like I fit in to that crowd. 

Dating was awkward for me as well. I was still uncomfortable around guys and I thought that they were truly gross.  Like they didn’t shower or use soap, and they had some sort of repelling fungus that grew only on the male species.  I probably had good reason to think that they were gross as boys on their own for the first time weren't that clean.  Mom wasn't there to tell them to shower or to wash their clothes, and they hadn't caught on yet.  I didn't know how to handle rejection or reject boys with any style or class.  Dating was full of uneasy situations that keep me ever guessing if he liked me or not, or even, if this was a date or not.

Growing up generates uncomfortable, clumsy, and graceless, moments in general. Developing my voice and learning what I stood for was difficult, and is something I am still working on.  Experimenting with different hairstyles and hair colors left me with some comical pictures to look back on. Dealing with weight gain and weight loss the unhealthy way was like a runaway train heading down the Rocky Mountains. College and my 20s were full of awkward moments usually accompanied by some sort of learning experience though.

So now that I'm well into my 30s (holy shit...really???) I should have life figured out, right? When I was in my 20s and 30 seemed like ages away, I always thought people of that age were mature, had their shit together, and had life figured out.  Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm finding that that ain't so.  I'm still figuring out what I want to be, the only difference is that now I know what I don't want to be!  I'm still building my self-confidence and my sense of importance as I dive into a new field of health coaching.  I'm still finding my voice and learning how to use it.  I will say that I do feel like I have a lot more life experience under my belt since my college days, and that has helped me from making the same mistake twice, for the most part.  I'm also working on feeling like I have some sort of power. Not the "I am your boss, you must listen to me" kind of power, but the power from within. The kind that brings confidence to what I say, and to my work.  The kind that validates my words and knowing that what I have to say is important.  That someone will benefit from the knowledge I have and me sharing it.

Maybe life is full of awkward moments and they never go away. I mean, we are always learning and growing.

To Do

Those of you who know me personally know that I have many jobs.  I am first and foremost a health and nutrition coach where I work one-on-one with clients to help them find what foods work best for them, and help build healthy eating and lifestyle habits into their lives.  I am writing nutrition articles for a subscription based website that is going to be launched for the New Year, and am a monthly guest blogger on athleticmommies.com.  I will be starting to work on a nutrition guide and meal plan for a personal trainer.  I also tutor elementary students in math and reading, and nanny for two different families.  Add on to that planning an international trip for my boyfriend and me while he is in Mississippi.  Needless to say, I am pretty much juggling multiple knives while riding a unicycle backwards balancing on a tight rope…or at least this is what it feels like at times.    

There are times when I have all of my “things to do” running around in my brain, like second graders let loose for recess, running around and screaming with no order what so ever.  This is majorly overwhelming for me and I start to get nervous and anxious.  I start freaking out that I have too much to do with not enough time to do it.  I stress myself out and think there is no way I will get everything done. 

So, what do I do to help me through the stress and the mess?  I write a “to do” list.  I take five minutes to sit down and write everything down that I need to do.  Then I prioritize the list and start with the most important thing first.  And guess what happens?  I realize that I don’t really have that much to do, and that my list, when written down, looks totally doable. 

When everything I need to do is swimming around in my head it is chaotic and seems like so much more verses being written down on a sticky note or two.  It’s like your room when nothing is put away, laundry is on the ground, bags are scattered, and the bed isn’t made.  It seems like you have a lot of stuff and your actual living space in your room seems small.  But put away your laundry, organize your bags, and make your bed and your bedroom is streamlined and organized.  Now it seems like you have less stuff and much more space in your room.

By organizing my “to do” list and writing it out, I am able to simplify what I have to do and the task at hand is a lot easier.  And it feels so good to cross off something completed from your “to do” list!

The next time you find yourself disgruntled at the amount of things you have to do, write them down on a list. Prioritize them, and then start crossing them off. 

CrossFit Zen

Okay, it sounds like an oxymoron, I know, but this is the philosophy of my approach to CrossFit I have created for myself.  CrossFit is known to be very intense and intimidating, where beefy specimens throw around ridiculous amounts of weight and are highly competitive with one another.  Well, this may be true for some CrossFit affiliates, and it could possibly be true for the CrossFit box I attend.  However, I have decided to create my own approach to CrossFit.  I love the workouts, the personal attention, and the community that come along with CrossFit.  All I have to do is show up and I see friendly faces and they tell me what to do.  And since I love it so much, I want to be able to participate for as long as I possibly can.  Like all healthy relationships in life: everything in moderation.

I have changed my approach to CrossFit over the years.  I started in January of 2012 with my two good friends, Mary and Anna.  We would have a blast learning the new movements, laughing at our lack of knowledge, and celebrating a 25# PR for our overhead squat!

At the time, I was also running and paddling so I had a lot of other activities that I partook in, and would frequent the box about two times a week.

Flash forward to January 2013 where after cursing my last marathon and telling myself, “I’d rather be crossfitting” for 26 miles, my participation in running faded, and I started attending CrossFit more frequently.  This is when I drank the cool aid, folks.  You’re probably thinking, “I was right!  CrossFit is a cult.”  Not so fast.

I was deep into CrossFit and was sad on my rest days when I didn’t make an appearance at the box.  I was recording lift weights and WOD times and attempting to increase my PRs.  I joined the Barbell Club where we worked on strength and power lifting.  I had a group of people I would train with and compete with.  Along with heavy lifting and constant high-intensity competition came aches and pains, and I started getting pain in my wrists and shoulders.  I was always comparing my workout score or my lift weights to other people.  And after a while, this exciting, encouraging, and enjoyable became a place where I would walk out unhappy and frustrated with myself.  Why was this happening?  I used to love this place.  It would give me so much joy and I would leave in good spirits.

When I took a look, I noticed that I was not following my intentions of why I love CrossFit.  I didn’t join CrossFit to be super competitive or to be an elite athlete.  No, I joined because I enjoyed the workouts, I loved the community, and I got stronger doing it.  A total win-win!  I had gotten caught up in the competition of it all and started comparing myself to other members.  It’s not fun to compare yourself to other people, and in fact, it can be down right miserable. 

So, I took a step back and looked at why I enjoy CrossFit.  I revisited my intentions and the reasons why I joined in the first place.  I love the way I feel when I am done.  I love how strong it has made me, and consequently I feel stronger in general.  I love the unpredictability of the workouts.  You go in not knowing what movements you are going to do that day.  I love the community and encouragement other members give each other.  In my intentions, there was nothing about lifting a certain amount of weight over my head or getting a sub 6-minute Fran time. 

Now, my current approach to CrossFit is what I call Zen CrossFit.  I workout for myself and remember my intentions.  I don’t lift as much weight as I used to, and that’s okay.  Because I’d rather be CrossFitting when I’m 70 with light weights than CrossFitting until I’m 40 with heavy weights and having to stop because of injuries.  I’ll pass on the injuries, please.  Before class I will check in with my body and see what it feels like.  Does it want to do more cardio or more lifting, and I will set my weight accordingly.  I don’t compare myself to anyone!  People’s scores from previous classes are up on the board for people to see, and I just ignore them for the most part.  Sometimes I will reference to see what someone comparable to me did if I am unsure of what weight to use.  But for the most part I just look and see who has been in for the day.  I stay present with the workout and focus on form and technique, concentrating on the specific movement I am doing at the time rather than watching other people and seeing what round they are on, or if I am ahead of them. 

This approach has been working out in my favor!  I am enjoying CrossFit again, I am sans injuries, and I feel positive, energetic and confident when I am done.  My body feels lighter, and I can recover quicker from workouts.

So, when it comes to working out, find a form of exercise that you love to do, stay present, remember your intentions, and don’t compare yourself to others.