That Awkward Phase

I'm a little sad, my awkward phase is over.  I mean I finished all the Awkward seasons available to me for free on Amazon prime (Seasons 1-4).  So does that mean that my awkward phase is over? You know that uneasy phase where embarrassing moments seem to happen more often than not, where you just don’t feel comfortable in your skin, or that you feel like you don't fit in. We’ve all experienced it.

Well, my awkward phase started in high school, around sophomore year when I started caring about my clothes and hair, and what I looked like.  I started plucking my eyebrows and nothing was ever the same.  Gone were my baggy jeans, oversized t-shirts and flannels, and in came the baby Ts , fitted jeans, and sundresses. 

This phase continued well into college where I found myself feeling even more uncomfortable. I was still finding out who I was and what I wanted to be.  Okay so I'm still figuring out what I want to be, but you know what I mean.  I felt unsure of new experiences and didn't feel like I quite fit in.  

I was an art major who flat ironed her hair and wore Abercrombie and Fitch kakis.  My classmates were dying their hair bright colors, piercing their bodies in cringe worthy places, and wearing four different prints at the same time.  They were philosophical, deep, and they were worldly.  And here I was, a self-conscious girl, who would get sick to my stomach before a critique, from a small town on the coast of Oregon.  Nonetheless, I didn’t feel like I fit in to that crowd. 

Dating was awkward for me as well. I was still uncomfortable around guys and I thought that they were truly gross.  Like they didn’t shower or use soap, and they had some sort of repelling fungus that grew only on the male species.  I probably had good reason to think that they were gross as boys on their own for the first time weren't that clean.  Mom wasn't there to tell them to shower or to wash their clothes, and they hadn't caught on yet.  I didn't know how to handle rejection or reject boys with any style or class.  Dating was full of uneasy situations that keep me ever guessing if he liked me or not, or even, if this was a date or not.

Growing up generates uncomfortable, clumsy, and graceless, moments in general. Developing my voice and learning what I stood for was difficult, and is something I am still working on.  Experimenting with different hairstyles and hair colors left me with some comical pictures to look back on. Dealing with weight gain and weight loss the unhealthy way was like a runaway train heading down the Rocky Mountains. College and my 20s were full of awkward moments usually accompanied by some sort of learning experience though.

So now that I'm well into my 30s (holy shit...really???) I should have life figured out, right? When I was in my 20s and 30 seemed like ages away, I always thought people of that age were mature, had their shit together, and had life figured out.  Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm finding that that ain't so.  I'm still figuring out what I want to be, the only difference is that now I know what I don't want to be!  I'm still building my self-confidence and my sense of importance as I dive into a new field of health coaching.  I'm still finding my voice and learning how to use it.  I will say that I do feel like I have a lot more life experience under my belt since my college days, and that has helped me from making the same mistake twice, for the most part.  I'm also working on feeling like I have some sort of power. Not the "I am your boss, you must listen to me" kind of power, but the power from within. The kind that brings confidence to what I say, and to my work.  The kind that validates my words and knowing that what I have to say is important.  That someone will benefit from the knowledge I have and me sharing it.

Maybe life is full of awkward moments and they never go away. I mean, we are always learning and growing.

How do you Define Yourself?

I walked into my normal yoga class, Wednesday at 5:15, expecting to see my favorite yoga teacher.  Instead when I stepped in the room there was a stranger in the front of the room where the instructor stands.  In an instant a wall came up inside and resistance set in.  Who is this?  Where is Brigitte?  She won’t be as good as Brigitte, I thought. 

You see, I attend yoga once a week and I have two instructors that I have found I really like.  I love their flow and rhythm as well as the spiritual/meditative aspect they bring to the class.  I enjoy going to their classes knowing what to expect.  So needless to say, I was disappointed and let down when I saw an unfamiliar instructor. 

As class started she introduced herself and shared that Brigitte was sick and called her just prior to cover her class.  She then went on to say “Thank you for letting me teach you today.”  At that moment, the wall of resistance inside of me came down, and I accepted her as the teacher.  It was the simple act of thanking us for letting her be there and allowing her to be a part of the yoga practice that made me realize that she was grateful for being here, and she was asking permission to teach us. 

So we were on with yogaing and in between warrior one and half moon, she stated some wise words that I will not be able to replicate as eloquently as she said them.  But the idea of what she was articulating was to shed the day off, all of the stories that we play in our head, all of things we need to get done, and find the true you.  As what you are looking for is already inside of you, you just need to find it.  “Don’t leave the ocean in search of the ocean.”

Later she asked, “How do you define yourself?”  This question made me stop and think.  People often define themselves by what they do, their friendships or relationships, or their reputation.  You identify with being a mother, a father, a husband or wife, a daughter, a teacher, a nurse, a therapist, or a bitch.  We all do it; we label ourselves and even tie our self worth to what we do and what we have accomplished.  But what happens when we take that all away?  Take away your titles of daughter, teacher, girlfriend, poor, and how would you define yourself?  Take away the stories you create in your head, the ones that connect you to the past and present.  Remove the assumptions you have about yourself and the assumption you think other people have about you, and what would you be now? What is left?

This is a great philosophical question that will take me more than one yoga class to work through.  It is deep, who am I truly?  Am I just cells working together in harmony to create a human body?  Am I a vessel for a soul? Maybe I am ever changing from one moment to another. 

When you strip yourself down, take away the labels and the attachments, how do you define yourself?

I Got a New Attitude!

Have you ever woken up on the wrong side of the bed?  You wake up with an attitude, pissed off, and you don’t exactly know why.  You unwillingly get up and get ready for the day with a chip on your shoulder.  Any encounters with other humans are in the form of eye-rolls, grunts, or shoulder shrugs.  You just can’t shake it, but you continue on your day. 

Well, I had one of these mornings today.  I woke up with a ‘tude that I just couldn’t shake.  I was angry at the world but wasn’t sure exactly why.  I looked something like this: 

I have grudgingly learned these past couple of years that I have the ability to choose how to feel.  I could choose happy, or I could choose pissed off.  And today I was choosing pissed off!  So, armed with the knowledge that I could choose my attitude, I knew that this mindset was brought on by none other than myself.  It wasn’t the garbage truck’s fault that woke me up early, or the fact that my boyfriend has been gone for two weeks, and will not be coming back for two more.  It’s true that these annoyed me and made me sad, respectively, but I could choose to give into those feelings, or I could acknowledge them, say hi, and then choose to be happy. 

So, I put myself back to bed.  I felt like a mother disciplining her young child.  I willingly hopped back in bed and told myself to choose a new outlook.  I laid there for a few minutes resisting this idea, but as soon as I surrendered to my demands, and chose to be happy, I got out of bed, and started my day over again, sans attitude.  This time, I made my tea de jour, (Good Earth Original…it’s a great fall/winter tea), meditated, checked on my garden, and then got ready for the day. 

By changing my attitude, which I had total power over, I was able to have a productive day where I concentrated on my work, researching and writing nutrition articles, and could give my full attention to my clients.  I made taco salad for lunch, had a great workout at CrossFit, and a delightful chat with my boyfriend (He's showing me his shooting helmet).  I’m glad I called myself on my mindset, acknowledged that I was grumpy, took some time to turn my frown upside down, and carried on with a new outlook on the day.  Now, I didn’t have to change my attitude, but I am so glad I did. 

Spaghetti Squash Chicken Pesto

When I first heard about the idea of going grain free, I thought that there was NO WAY this was possible!  I was eating toast, beagles, pb&j, pasta, cereal, rice, crackers, and granola bars on the daily.  Grains were a HUGE part of my diet and I was very skeptical of going grain free….how is this humanly possible?

However, I was challenged to go sans grains for 30 days, along with, dairy, legumes, or added sugars, and having somewhat of a competitive spirit, I took on the challenge.  Fast forward four years, and there is no way I would ever go back to eating grains as a food staple.  As there have been amazing changes in my life by eliminating grains from my diet.  Over the past four years, I have experimented with recipes, some successful and others, shall we call “learning experiences”. J  

I look back to my first nutrition challenge, and yes, I made it through and I was able to feel the difference in my body with having more sustained and lasting energy, no more sugar crashes or crazy sugar cravings, and improved mental clarity, however; it wasn’t very exciting and at times frustrating in the sense that I didn’t know what to eat instead of grains.  I was eliminating a lot of food, however not sure what to add back in to replace those foods.

Now, I have years of recipes under my belt, and find eating grain free exciting and oh so DELICIOUS!  So, to save you some agony, I wanted to share a food that I only discovered recently, and wish I had known about years ago!  

Being part Italian, I was raised on pasta.  It was a staple in my household, along with bread.  So, the thought of not eating pasta made me think that I was going to have to give up those secret family Italian recipes that I loved so much!

Once I discovered this food, I was in love!  It was so useful to me and added a whole new realm of possibilities in the kitchen.  And I was able to eat those scrumptious family recipes I had been craving.  This wonderful, magnificent food I am talking about is spaghetti squash!  When cooked, spaghetti squash creates stringy noodles that replicate pasta.  I was now able to make “spaghetti” and meatballs, and “spaghetti” carbonara without suffering the consequences of eating a plate full of inflammatory gluten, and a blood sugar spike.  Not only did I feel amazing after I ate spaghetti squash, I was consuming significantly fewer carbs than if I had eaten the same amount of pasta.  One cup of spaghetti squash has 9 grams of carbs verses a cup of spaghetti having around 40 grams of carbs.  Spaghetti squash also contains antioxidants such as Vitamin C and Vitamin A, as well as fiber, potassium and Vitamin B6.  What’s not to love about spaghetti squash?

I am sharing with you a recipe that is deliciously, filling, and well rounded with macronutrients; proteins, fats, and carbs.  I used a store bought pesto to save on time. However, it took some looking around and label reading to find a pesto that used olive oil and not soybean oil, canola oil, or some other inflammatory fat.  Look at your local farmers market or health food store for pesto made with olive oil.  If you choose to be ambitious, I set a link to a recipe for pesto below.

Ingredients:

·      1 medium sized spaghetti squash

·      1 cup pesto sauce Many of the store bought pestos contain inflammatory oils such as soybean or corn oil.  If you are unable to find a pesto that only contains olive oil, here is a great one to make at home.  

·      1 lb chicken breast

·      Olive oil

·      Sundried tomatoes (optional)

·      Fresh basil leaves for garnish (optional)

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees 

2.  Cut spaghetti squash in half lengthwise

3.   Remove seeds with a spoon or fork and save for toasting J

4.  Place halves face down on baking sheet and cook for 40-45 min.  The spaghetti squash should be somewhat soft to touch when done.

      

      5.  While spaghetti squash is baking, heat a large saucepan on the stove and add a tablespoon of olive oil.  Cook chicken breast until cooked through.  

      6.  Once chicken is cooked, slice chicken into bite sized strips and set aside.

      7.  Once spaghetti squash is finished, allow to cool for a few minutes and then shred the meat of the squash with a fork into the saucepan. The spaghetti squash should come out easily and will be stringy like spaghetti. 

      8.   In a saucepan, on low, mix the spaghetti squash, chicken, and pesto sauce until warm.  I added sun-dried tomatoes and some fresh basil from the garden.

        9.  Serve warm and enjoy!

GET EVEN HEALTHIER!


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Starting From Scratch

To truly start from scratch, you need to let go of all that negative stuff that you are getting away from in the first place.  Though you may physically be away from it, you need to also mentally let it go.  Stop listening to the negative stories you have been telling yourself, and let go of the negative beliefs you have about yourself and lack of ability as a result from the previous situation.  By letting go of all those negative ideas and stories, you are truly starting from scratch and creating room for positive stories to form and cultivate.  I have learned that in starting over it is not just enough to physically move from one place to another, or change locations.  You also need to mentally let go and change your thinking and attitude in order to start over, move forward, and create something new and amazing in your life. 

This subject matter came to mind when I went out for a run the other afternoon for the first time in 5 months.  Now, I have been doing crossfit, surfing, and paddling, however, running is a different story.  I had hurt my ankle earlier this year and have been unable to jog any distance before it starts to hurt.  So, I just haven’t been partaking in this activity.  I have been busy doing other activities that I haven’t really missed it until about a month ago.  There’s just something I get from running that I don’t get from my other activities.  I think it’s the mindless repetition of moving my feet that allows my mind to meditate as well as work through issues or challenges in my life.  Since I started to miss running, I had been THINKING about starting to participate in my old exercise staple again as my ankle has been healing.  I was brought the perfect opportunity on this particular day; I was unable to make it to crossfit, there weren’t any waves and the ocean was pretty choppy, there was no paddling that day, and it was cloudy with a nice cooling breeze.  So I thought to myself, “what a perfect opportunity to actually DO what I have been THINKING about doing for the past month or so”.  I dusted off (literally) my running sneakers and headed out on a 2.5 mile run…nothing too long. 

On my way out on my jaunt around the loop, I realized that I was making a fresh start and that I should have no expectation of my performance what so ever!  I mentally prepared myself knowing that I hadn’t been on a run in a while, and that since this activity is not a strength of mine, I needed to let go of what I used to be able to do and be super stoked with completing a 2.5 mile course, no matter how long it takes.  Though I had completed a couple of marathons, I wasn’t out training for a marathon, nor do I ever have the intention of training for one EVER again.  I needed to let go any thoughts that compared me to the past, or what I used to be able to do.  With this mindset, I was able to just run and be proud that I was out jogging and working hard doing it.  I didn’t get down on myself because I was out of breath, or that I was slugging along. No, I had let that go, and was super stoked that I was running and that my ankle didn’t hurt while I was doing it.

Then I had a realization: making a fresh start and letting things go doesn’t only apply to my running or any other physical activity I participate in.  It in fact applies to EVERYTHING in life!  This realization especially hit home to me regarding my recent career change. 

Though I had quit teaching and started health coaching, and yes, my life has been changed for the better in many ways, I still was holding on to old beliefs that had formed as a result of working for an organization for five years that didn’t respect or value me.  I was still feeling a lack of confidence, I was questioning my validity and credentials, and I was still full of fear and the idea that I wasn’t good enough to be a health coach.  Who’s going to believe me? My voice was never valued or respected in the DOE (department of education), so why would anyone listen to me now?  All of the stories that had built up while working for the DOE and over time were still here with me and they were preventing me from moving forward in my new career! 

So, I started letting go of these limiting beliefs and the negative stories that I had been making up in my head as a result of my past experiences.  By letting these beliefs go, I have made room for positive beliefs and thoughts that serve me.  I see possibilities instead of insecurities, solutions instead of roadblocks.  By letting go of negative self-beliefs, I have been able to move forward with projects that have been sitting on the back burner because fear and doubt would not let me move forward. Also, by letting go of negative stories and self-talk, I am open to receiving complements and positive feedback from clients, friends, and family. (And believing them too!) I am starting from scratch and moving forward with the belief in myself, that my voice is valued, and that what I know IS important to other people (because it IS! Food changed my life, and I know it can change your life too!), and that other people are dying to work with me.  Because they are! 

A physical change in location is only part of starting over.  Letting go of the mental and emotional connection to that time you are getting away from is how to truly start from scratch and make amazing, positive things happen in your life!

Interested in creating the healthiest you?  Contact me at keysa.hale@gmail.com or visit my website:

www.keysahale.com