Let me explain: Six years ago, I would have considered
myself a free spirit. I had moved to
Hawaii the summer I graduated form Oregon State…Go Beavs! I was in search for sun, minimal commitment,
and as little responsibility as possible! I’m not much for academia, and the five years
I spent getting my Bachelors of Art in Photography made me long for days with
no responsibility and pretty much no difficult thinking. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with
my life, but I knew I wanted to enjoy it!
Hawaii seemed like the perfect place for this so, I visited a friend of
mine from college on Oahu where her and her husband were living. I of course LOVED it! What’s not to love about world famous
beaches, majestic mountains, and tropical waterfalls…oh, and surfing! I was hooked!
I was enjoying life, working as a waitress and a nanny to pay the bills,
spending my days off at the beach with my girlfriends, hiking, or learning how
to surf. I lived this way for about
three years. When I felt the urge to travel internationally! (I didn’t know it
at the time, but I was listening to my intuition) I knew that I didn’t have
enough money to travel extensively or for a long period of time, which is what
I wanted to do. So, I procured a job
teaching English in Thailand. Why
Thailand? I read the book “The Beach”
(highly recommended) and was instantly
drawn to the uncharted lands of Thailand!
It seemed so majestic and mysterious!
I was up for adventure and knew I’d find it there! I sure was right. I packed two bags of my personal belongings
and sold or donated the rest (which weren’t much…a surfboard and a beach
cruiser, and some random dishes). Oh,
and stored some stuff at my parents J
(Which I think is still there). I headed
into the unknown, super scared but extremely excited! Thailand was one of the best learning
experiences of my life, and I refer to Thailand as my “first love”. The culture, the people, the food, the
temples…every weekend was another adventure.
I enjoyed teaching the children there, as they were always so positive
and grateful. And though I loved
Thailand, I missed being so far away from my family and friends. I also had this urge to return to
Hawaii. And so that’s what I did. After a year of working and a little over a
month traveling around South East Asia, I hopped on a plane and landed in
Seattle on Christmas Eve to spend the holidays with my parents, and stabilize my
financial situation before heading back to Hawaii.
So, this is where things started to change. I didn’t know it at the time, but I started
to ignore my intuition…what I wanted to do and what made me feel happy and
joyful and complete. I started to listen
to what society thought I should be doing with my life instead of what I wanted
to do with my life. A lot of my friends
were doing adult things like getting married, buying houses, and having babies. They had “real adult jobs”. I felt that this is what I needed to do. And since I didn’t have any marriage prospects,
nor money to buy a house, or the desire what so ever to have a child, I looked
at my career. My goal became to have a
“real adult job” by the time I was 30.
And of coarse I achieved that, because when I put my mind to something,
I get it done! (even if it’s not the right thing for me) My of my good friends were highly educated
and were married to people who had what I called at the time “real adult
jobs”. They were starting families and
buying houses. And though I was completely
satisfied with not having a “real adult job” and not having a husband,
children, or a house, I felt pressured by what society says I should be doing
at age 28. I also wanted to make enough
money to support myself, and knew that I would be a good teacher, as I had done
it and enjoyed it in Thailand.
I would soon find out that teaching in the good ol’ USofA
was COMPLETELY different than teaching in Thailand!!!!!!! In Thailand I was working about four teaching
hours a day, with a class size on average of 18 students, plus about 2 hours in
the office lesson planning a day.
Compare that to six hours a day of teaching 30+ students, plus four
hours a day of planning, grading papers, and attending meetings. Not to mention the amount of respect I
received teaching in Thailand. Parents
LOVED me and were so grateful for me teaching their child to speak, write, and
understand English. There were no
demands put on me to teach to specific standards. There was no pressure for my students to pass
a test. I knew where the students were
with their English proficiency and I helped them develop it further through
engaging and stimulating lessons and activities. The owner of the school had complete trust in
me that I was doing my job to the best of my ability. And I feel that having that trust from my
boss made me want to perform my best.
Sorry…I could go on forever about the Public School System,
but cutting to the point, I had invested time and a lot of money to get my
Masters of Education in Teaching, student teaching, as well as teaching for
four and a half years in the DOE. And I WASN’T
HAPPY!!!!!
Holly Bleep! (Insert curse word of choice…I think all were
said in my head at the time of realization) I have spent tens of thousands of
dollars. Correction: am still paying
tens of thousands of dollars on my education that is specific to teaching and I
HATE my job! Well, hate is a strong
word. There are things that I like about
my job, like summers “off”, paid sick leave, some of the students, and my grade
level teachers. But not only was I not
happy with my job, my health was suffering…my physical and later my mental
health.
About a year into my teaching career, I started having
digestive issues. They came on little by
little. Every time I ate
something/anything, my stomach would bloat up like I had a baby bump. Now, at first it wasn’t that bad, but three
years later when I feel like I just ate Thanksgiving dinner after anything I
ate, even an apple…that’s when you start going a little crazy! Especially when you go to see your doctor and
he tells you to eat more vegetables and exercise more! Now, let me give you some background info for
those of you who have no clue who I am.
I eat paleo style foods, which include a LOT of vegetables and
no/minimal processed foods. I was also
paddling outrigger canoe for Kailua Canoe Club as well as training for a
marathon. So, I replied to the doctor,
“I don’t think that is possible.” He had
given me a “solution” before he even asked me what I eat and how much I
exercise. I felt my voice wasn’t’ hear
by conventional doctors and they assumed a lot of things about me without
asking me. To sum it up, I have tried
countless diets including Low FODMAP, Candida, and food elimination. I have experimented with multiple supplement
such as HCL, probiotics, digestive aids, apple cider vinegar, and
peppermint. I have been on multiple
antibiotics and have had multiple tests done including, upper endoscopy, CT,
ultrasound, and a gastric emptying test.
Not only were all of these time consuming and mentally challenging, they
were becoming a financial burden!...Ain’t nobody got time for that!
I was so fed up and at the end of my rope with solving my
digestive issues. Nothing was working,
so with the help of some wise friends, I started looking at other areas of my
life. And of course, a huge red flag
came up when I looked at my career. I
had to get honest with myself and see that I was NOT happy in my job. I didn’t feel respected, I was stressed,
overworked and underpaid, I felt that I was taken advantage of, and that my
voice was not heard. I felt that every year there were more and more
expectations put onto my plate with little support. I realized that my job environment was
causing me the digestive issues.
The big question was: How was I going to leave
teaching? I have invested so much time
and money into my career. I have a
steady paycheck and health insurance.
And what the hell else would I do????
I felt like I was stuck in an abusive relationship! I wanted to get out, but was strangely kept
there by the comfort and stability of the job.
So, I did some sole searching and really looked at what I wanted to do
with my life verses, just looking for another job. I stopped listening to the pressures of
society and I started listening to my intuition. I have always been passionate about health
and nutrition and have been on my own nutrition and self-image journey
myself. I decided to go back to school
and get certified in health coaching.
Through this, I wanted be able to help women who struggle every day with
constant dieting, and restricting calories in order to keep what society has
told them is an acceptable body weight.
I help them wade through the misinformation and negative influence in
the media and guide them to eat for health verses eating to diet and loose
weight.
As summer came to a close, I knew in my gut (literally and
figuratively) that I couldn’t return to teaching for another school year,
though I only had two health coaching clients…only one who was paying. I was SO FREAKIN SCARED!!!!!!!!!! What if I can’t make rent?? What if I can’t
buy food??? What if….????? Craziness was going through my head, but I
knew that the most important thing in my life at that moment was my physical
and mental health, which was declining.
Without your health you have nothing!
So I did it! I turned
in my letter of resignation with the support of good friends! And then the magic happened…the universe aligned
and all was right in the world! I felt a weight lift off of me that I had been carrying
around for years! A new mindset came
with quitting my job; a way of looking at possibilities instead of looking at
roadblocks. I am happier, healthier,
more energetic, more creative, and can now eat normally again!!!!! I still am able to pay rent and buy
food. I am surrounded by positive,
motivating, and caring people in my day to day life, which has been an amazing
change from the negative atmosphere of the DOE.
I have received nothing but support from friends and family. And the people who care to make negative
comments on my decision, I just ignore! (I totally have the right to ignore any
comment that does not serve me! It’s my
life for goodness sakes, not someone else’s)
I still don’t have a house, a husband, a little person, or a
“real adult job”, but I am happier than I have been in a LONG time! (Oh…and I
am doing what I LOVE!!!!!!) I have
realized that these things may make some people happy, and that’s really cool,
but I am going to listen to my intuition and find and do what makes ME
happy! Taking a leap of faith has been
the best decision I have ever made to improve my life and wellbeing. I don’t regret my decision one bit!
